Clarity, conciseness and simplicity of word choice will make a difference in your writing, especially when the message is complex or the reader is uninformed. Conciseness does not necessarily mean brevity.
Too Full: The seminar participant, who could not attend the first two class sessions because of illness in the family and a heavy workload at the office and who asked if she could complete the assignments on her own time, was informed by the instructor that she was no longer eligible to receive a certificate of completion for this particular class but that she could enroll in the next class.
Concise: The participant was unable to attend the first two class sessions because of illness in the family and a heavy workload. When she asked if she could complete the assignments on her own time, the instructor told her that she was no longer eligible to receive a certificate but that she could enroll in the next class.
Wordy: There is no doubt but that she is the perfect candidate for the job.
Concise: She is the perfect candidate for the job.
Wordy: For fuel purposes, propane gas is utilized in tanks in outdoor gas grills.
Concise: Propane is used in gas grills.
Wordy: She departed in a hasty and quick manner.
Concise: She departed hastily Wordy: I was wondering if you have had enough time to review and consider my request for reevaluating the work of Juanita Perez so I can tell her whether or not she qualifies to fully complete the application for a job promotion that will promote her from her present level of administrative assistant to a new and higher job level of senior secretary.
Concise: Is Juanita Perez eligible to apply for a promotion?
Wordy: It is most likely a true fact that in spite of the fact that the educational atmosphere that surrounds our children is a very significant and a very important factor to each and every one of our children in terms of his or her personal and individual future development and growth, various different groups and people do not at all support certain tax assessments or tax increases at a reasonable and fair rate that are required for the one and only purpose and express intention of providing an excellent educational context at a decent level of quality.
Concise: Although quality education is important for our children, some people vote against tax increases for school improvements.
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