by Jennie Ruby 
I was reading my current favorite author the other day, but something was wrong. The text did not flow as smoothly as usual. I had to read one paragraph three times to figure out who shot whom (yes, my current recreational reading is in the spy/action/detective genre). And then I stumbled over a raggedy sentence that made me stop to look at its grammar.
What was wrong with my favorite author! I checked the copyright date, and I found that this was one of his early efforts--and he has certainly improved his writing since then!
Here is what I found when I started looking at the grammar of the sentence that really made me pause: lack of parallel structure. There were other errors of fiction writing as well, but the parallelism problem is one that easily crops up in writing training and technical documents. Let's take a look.
This problem could have been fixed by just separating the two ways he looked from the attitude he had, and by using the correct verb with the word attitude: had. Here are my three tries at reworking the sentence. Mystery author: you're welcome.
What was wrong with my favorite author! I checked the copyright date, and I found that this was one of his early efforts--and he has certainly improved his writing since then!
Here is what I found when I started looking at the grammar of the sentence that really made me pause: lack of parallel structure. There were other errors of fiction writing as well, but the parallelism problem is one that easily crops up in writing training and technical documents. Let's take a look.
He looked calm, professional, with a smug attitude common to the breed.
The problem is that two of the three descriptive words/phrases work with the word looked, but the third one does not:
- He looked calm
- He looked professional
- *He looked with a smug attitude common to the breed
This problem could have been fixed by just separating the two ways he looked from the attitude he had, and by using the correct verb with the word attitude: had. Here are my three tries at reworking the sentence. Mystery author: you're welcome.
He looked calm and professional and had the smug attitude common to the breed.
He looked calm and professional, and he had that smug attitude common to the breed.
He looked calm, professional, and smug-with the particular type of smug attitude common to the breed.
See if you can fix similar problem sentences in training-related text. Submit your fixes as comments below.)
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Want help with a grammar issue? Email me your troubles. It's even possible the solution to your problem might end up in a future "Skills & Drills" issue.
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