The Logical Blog

The problem is that the writer needed two words rather than one: every one of us. The compound indefinite pronouns everyone, someone, and anyone sometimes need to be separated into two words. This usually occurs when a phrase  starting with the word of follows:

Any one of the rakes will do nicely for this light job.

However, that is not the only time these words need to be separated. Give the following examples a careful reading. Which of these pronouns should be two words, and which should be one word? (And no fair relying on the Microsoft Word grammar checker!)

1. I wanted to eat some grapes, but when I got to the kitchen, I found that everyone was gone.
2. Everyone likes a good joke.
3. I looked in the shed, but I could not find anyone of the rakes.
4. Everyone of my art books was soaked in the flood.
5. Do you need someone to help you lift that sofa?
6. Did you see anyone in the dark alley?
7. Have you seen anyone of the birds alight on the suet?
8. He asked someone of the guards to help him.

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On last week's challenge, Precise Placement of Only, Nima Regev knocked it out of the park with 100 percent correct:

1. I expected only one of the tomatoes to ripen each week.
2. If you register early, you pay only $495 for the entire conference.
3. Only three participants in the rally were arrested (correct)
4. The three participants were only arrested, not indicted (correct)
5. The participant had contributed only one sample document before the class.
6. The ticket guarantees only entry into the theater, not the seat you will get.

I especially like this placement because the argumentative tone comes through: this sentence sounds like part of a confrontation with a theater patron. Also, don't think I did not notice the spelling of theatre with re! The er spelling is standard in the United States, but this French spelling is also listed as a variant in Webster's.

Those of you who did not move only in examples 2 and 6 were possibly going by ear–keeping only before the verb matches the pattern of spoken English. I sympathize with the fact that it sounds a little less smooth to place only after pay or afterguarantees, but the added precision might be worth considering a complete rewrite, like this:

The ticket guarantees only that you will get into the theater, not which seat you will get.

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by Jennie Ruby  

While reviewing the submissions from last week's challenge, I noticed that many respondents moved the word only to a position before the verb rather than keeping it where it was in my original. Placement of the word only is frequently tweaked by copyeditors for greater accuracy in writing-especially technical writing. Consider this conversation between police and a participant in a brawl:

How many people hit Joe?

Only I hit him.

Did you kick him, too?

No. I only hit him.

Did you hit other people as well?

No. I hit only him.

Are you sure?

Yes, I am sure. I hit him only.

Notice how the word only was placed in four different places in the sentence "I hit him," with a different meaning each time. The word only is a type of modifier called a limiter. It limits the word right after it in the sentence. Or if it is at the end of the sentence, it modifies the word right before it, with extra emphasis.

In the spoken language we tend to keep it in front of the verb and make its true target clear through verbal emphasis. In the written language, however, we need to move the word only to its rightful place directly before the word or phrase it is modifying.

This week's challenge: Precise placement of only. Some of these sentences have the word only misplaced. Others are correct and clear. Can you spot the difference? 

1. I only expected one of the tomatoes to ripen each week.
2. If you register early, you only pay $495 for the entire conference.
3. Only three participants in the rally were arrested.
4. The three participants were only arrested, not indicted.
5. The participant had only contributed one sample document before the class.
6. The ticket only guarantees entry into the theater, not the seat you will get.

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Several respondents to last week's challenge entered into the spirit of deciding where to use passive voice based on what they wanted to emphasize in the sentence. I especially liked the treatment of damp earth and debris in this take by Jing Ping (JP) Fan:

Keep your new blower vac clean and use it only with dry leaves. When damp earth and debris are picked up (keep the passive since damp earth and debris are emphasized and they are the initiators of the chamber [being] clogged), the inside of the fan chamber may become clogged, which decreases the performance of the unit. Use a stick or other non-metalic scraper to clean out the unit when it is disconnected from the power source (keep the passive because the state of the unit being disconnected is emphasized). Do not store your blower vac adjacent to fertilizers or chemicals. Such storage can corrode the metal parts.

Michael Stein also explained why he kept some sentences passive. Notice that he used active for the first half of the sentence about damp earth by making the vac pick up the damp earth. But he keeps "may become clogged" passive(some might say become is a nonaction verb, but that is pretty close to passive):

Keep your new blower vac clean. Use it to pick up dry leaves only. If the vac picks up damp earth and debris, the inside of the fan chamber may become clogged (kept it passive because it is the vac doing the work and not the owner). This may cause the unit's performance to be decreased (kept it passive because it is the vac's performance in question and not the owner's). Disconnect the unit from the power source, and then clean this area out by using a stick or other non-metalic scraper. Do not store the blower vac adjacent to fertilizers or chemicals because the metal parts can become corroded by such storage (kept it passive because it is the vac corroding and not the owner).

Here is his overall logic:

I made the instructions for the owner active and kept passive the actions affecting the blower vac.

Kay Honaker also rewrote the passage with both active and passive voice, and gave this reasoning: "My passive sentences relate to the possibility that someone other than the owner may be doing the actions (such as disconnecting the power source)."

Despite my encouragement to choose passive for some sentences, a number of readers decided to make every sentence active. To do so, they had to make a thing do some of the actions, while a person (the owner or user of the vac) did most actions. Despite my defense of the passive, I think using active for everything really works in this paragraph submitted by Elisia Getts. Notice especially how "This" may decrease the vac's performance and "these" can corrode the metal parts.

It is important for you to keep your new blower vac clean. Use only with dry leaves. If you use the blower vac to pick up damp earth or debris, the inside of the fan chamber may become clogged. This may decrease the vac's performance. If this happens, clean out the fan chamber using a stick or other non-metalic scraper. Be sure to disconnect the blower vac from the power source before cleaning. Do not store the vac next to fertilizers or chemicals as these can corrode the metal parts of the vac.

I also appreciated Mary Jo Feeney's take on the paragraph, which was very similar and all active voice. Here is her final sentence, which also has the fertilizers or chemicals "which" may corrode….

Store the unit away from fertilizers or chemicals which may corrode the metal parts of the unit.

I count this entire challenge a success if I have you thinking about when to use active or passive, rather than writing without consciously choosing whether to use active or passive. Here is a big thanks to those not previously mentioned who also rose to last week's challenge: Jennifer Zapp, Sudha, Vera I. Sytch Brenda Sing, and Stacey Edwards. 

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If you love Jennie's articles, you'll love her classes. Join her online and learn about Writing Effective eLearning Voiceover Scripts and eLearning: Writing Step-by-Step Scripts and Training Documents.

Bob traveled [active] to Paris last fall. When he purchased [active] his plane tickets, he was offered [passive] a discount on some castle tours. When he arrived [active] in France, however, he discovered [active] that he had been scheduled [passive] for two tours at the same time. He complained [active] at the tour office, and demanded that the second tour be rescheduled [passive].

This week's challenge: Rewrite the following entirely passive paragraph using mostly active voice. If you chose to retain the passive on some sentences, indicate why. [Hint: decide whether this is the story of the blower vac or of "you" the owner of the new power tool.] I'm looking forward to reading your submissions.

Your new blower vac should be kept clean. It should be used only with dry leaves. When damp earth and debris are picked up, the inside of the fan chamber may become clogged. Then the performance of the unit may be decreased. This area should be cleaned out using a stick or other non-metalic scraper. Cleaning should only be done when the unit is disconnected from the power source. The blower vac should not be stored adjacent to fertilizers or chemicals. The metal parts can be corroded by such storage.

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Many excellent sentences resulted from last week's challenge. Virtually every sentence readers sent in was an improvement over the original with the false subject. Here is the overall best take on the sentences, presented by Stacey Edwards, who also explains how she analyzed each sentence:

Original sentences are numbered. Revisions are beneath each numbered sentence. [Bold face indicates original subject and verb.] 

1. There are two places you can edit a resource calendar: the Working Time tab of the Resource Information dialog box and the Change Working Time dialog box.

You can edit a resource calendar in either the Working Time tab of the Resource Information dialog box or the Change Working Time dialog box.

2. There is a widespread misperception that search fields are case sensitive. (no clear subject or verb)  

Many new employees mistakenly believe that search fields are case sensitive.

3. It is difficult for voting rights advocates to prove in federal court that packing minority voters into majority-minority districts diminishes their ability to elect candidates of choice.

Voting rights advocates have difficulty proving in federal court that packing minority voters into majority-minority districts diminishes the voters' ability to elect their candidates of choice.

4. There is an average wait time for tables of more than 40 minutes. (missing subject)

Diners wait an average of over 40 minutes for tables.

5. It is sometimes desirable to convert user-defined missing values to nulls.

Sometimes, you should convert user-defined missing values to nulls.

6. There is one simple query that can be issued that allows you to select all records from a table but display only a specified column. 

You can issue a single simple query so that you can select all records from a table, but display only a specified column.

Edwards made sure to find a human subject for every sentence, and I do recommend that writers attempt to find that human actor whenever possible.  I especially love what she did with number 2: she figured out that there was no strong subject or verb, so she cast about for a good subject and put that in: "Many new employees" along with a strong verb, "believe."

On the other hand, sometimes it may be legitimate to speak of things doing things. If the concept or function or widget you are explaining is the most important thing in the sentence, you may want to place that in the subject slot. Here is an example where Barbara Wiedl did this:

The average wait for tables is more than 40 minutes.

The reader's principal concern may well be the wait time, and placing it first in the sentence is a good call.

Similarly, both Wiedl and Michael Stein revised number 5 this way:

Converting user-defined missing values to nulls is sometimes desirable.

Lisa Mileusnich gives another good take on number 5 (similar to Stacey's):

Sometimes you should convert user-defined missing values to nulls.

Number 5 also illustrates a common problem I find when I read training materials from which I am trying to learn: the what and how are included, but not the why. By using the words sometimes you at the front, Mileusnich's sentence leads one directly to the question of "When should I make this conversion, and when should I not?" The original, with its "it is sometimes desirable to…" takes the why as a given, as if the reader already knows that conversion is "desirable." Eliminating false subjects may sometimes show us that the sentence could actually contain a lot more information.

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If you love Jennie's articles, you'll love her classes. Join her online and learn about Writing Effective eLearning Voiceover Scripts and eLearning: Writing Step-by-Step Scripts and Training Documents.